Question) My older one always shows that she loves her dad more than me and uses the tactic to not listen to me. What can I do to win her over?

Answer by Early Childhood Specialist from Building Healthy Minds and Happy Families

It is hard not to feel rejected or question what you may be doing wrong when your child favors the other parent. However, it’s important to be aware of our own feelings and reactions as parents, to the behaviors of our children because it determines what happens next.

•  Avoid letting her to see that you’re affected by it

If your child is aware that this tactic of showing a preference towards her father upsets you, then it will only reinforce her behavior and she will use it to her advantage - in this case, to not listen to you. The first step would be to remain indifferent to her overt gestures of affection toward him and more importantly, not to withdraw from her even though you may feel snubbed.

•  Is he the “fun” parent?

Consider the different roles and attempt to level the playing field. Is he getting to do all the fun things with her? Try creating your own interesting traditions, just for you and her.

•  Take turns

By expressing a preference for who they want to make them breakfast or read a story at night, toddlers like exerting independence. Have the father busy himself with something else and redirect the task to mom.

•  Be consistent with discipline

Ensure that her father is on the same page as you and supports you in a moment of conflict with her. Be consistent with the rules even when the other parent isn’t there. She should know that you and her father are a team where she can’t play one against the other.

Most children change their preferences for parents and caregivers much like they change preferences for a favorite toy. Hopefully once she recognizes that both parents have equal roles and she isn’t accomplishing whatever her goal may be by playing favorites, her behavior will change.  

For more techniques and suggestions on parenting see the previous posts and the parenting blog at Building Healthy Minds and Happy Families.